“Do Gooder” fails to do assignment! *gasp*

So I know blogging 101 assignments aren’t life or death and I should probably help myself get over this annoying and exhausting tendency to obediently do everything everyone tells me to do. My backbone is getting stronger, but I can’t help but explain why I didn’t complete the assignment. Bottom line, I like my blog title and tagline! I like what it means to me as I try to “find myself”. 🙂

Groomed to be a people-pleasing do-gooder, I realized that I looked for my identity in what people said I should be or should do with my life. After all, good Christian women find godly husbands they adore, have many babies, spotless, beautiful homes, and are active in church playing piano and teaching in all the kids’ programs, right? I was doing all those things because I thought loving Jesus meant it was my job to make sure everyone believed I love Jesus. But I felt so lonely because sometimes I really didn’t feel like adoring my husband and sometimes I felt frustrated with and even upset at God.
But in my “Christian” world there was no room for the reality of my mess. So every Sunday I’d give all of myself to the superficiality of a church service while living the rest of the week feeling lonely and empty because none of my friends knew the real me (except my husband who has always been a good friend). I didn’t know how to give myself grace, much less anyone else. Who came up with the lie that Christians are to be gods anyway? (Reminds me of a story in Genesis, hmmmm…)

So, blah blah blah, I started this blog to create a productive and relatively safe place to explore my thoughts and discover who I am, as God created me. Although the word “naturally” wasn’t my favorite sounding word, I am in love with the definition. According to Merriam-Webster, the word “naturally” is an adverb used to describe something that exists by natural character or ability. It is without artificial aid; true to reality. I want my blog to be a space that is my reality. I don’t expect it to be perfect, in fact I welcome messes and love random. It’s the messes of life that teach me the most about real life. No more Zombie Bekah! So welcome to my beautiful mess of a blog; Naturally Bekah—Discovering the truth of me.

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