“Worn” from not being “strong enough”

I love music. It moves me in a powerful way. For many years I hindered my worship experience because I self-righteously thought that any music with real passion (aka: drums and emotionally connecting vibe) was evil. What a box I put God in.

But I am worn. I’m worn out trying to look perfect and happy in a dead religion. I’m sick of the hypocrisy, the back-biting, the hate talk, the comparing how my spirituality measures up to your spirituality. This is not Christlike. It is not what God’s church looks like. I’m drinking the kool-aid no more. It is not my job as a Christian to prove my “rightness”. It’s my job to love.

I wish it was that easy. The problem? I’m worn from loving too. It is hard to love, especially when it’s easier to be right. And it is especially exhausting to love someone who feels it’s their Christian duty to be right. It’s hard to love those that have hurt you terribly. But I know it’s what God wants. So here’s to those who struggle like me. Who are worn from trying to do everything in our own strength because that’s the lie hurt tells us and it’s how we’ve survived thus far. But now it’s time to let God take over, revive us and renew us and show us what life in His strength looks like…Rest. Let’s rest in His work together, unified in our created uniqueness. You are my ideal audience!

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4 thoughts on ““Worn” from not being “strong enough”

  1. I agree. I too, am worn from the fake masks we as Christians sometimes wear. I am called to love, to point everything to Jesus, to correct when needed, and to live a life to glorify God. I’m hungry for the Church to move. To love and serve. But then, I rememeber I am the Church too.
    Also, about the music paragraph- me too. Me too. I’m just now getting out of that phase and loving to praise my King.

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    • I am trying to train my mind to stop thinking of church as an institution and start seeing it as “two or three gathered together in My name” or blogging together perhaps, that’s a beautiful thought. 🙂 I love David’s example of praise. He truly didn’t care what people thought about his music, dance, or poetry, it was between Him and his God.

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  2. Oh my! I relate to everything you have written! Loving has been so hard in these past few weeks, there are no words to tell what I’ve been going through (with other Christians). I, too, have put God in a box regarding music! I used to listen to so much more than I do now, but was stifled by well-meaning believers who told me that certain types of Christian music was actually carnal. I’m still trying to break free from that :-(. Bless you, sister. You have struck a chord with me today (pardon the musical pun, lol).

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  3. “Well-meaning” is a gracious remembrance. That is why no one that knows me, knows about my blog. I needed a space free from judgement and fixing. 🙂 Most of the people from my past and many from my present, people I love dearly, I think would struggle with my blog and constantly tell me I’m wrong. It’s not that I’m trying to hide from them, I want to be true to the freedom I feel in Christ but I don’t want to fight about such worthless things to fight over. I’m not afraid to tell them where I stand, but I want to respect where they are as well. I think this is what love looks like? At least it’s how I interpret Romans 14 (The law of liberty and love) I’d love to know your thoughts about this passage. 🙂

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