I’ve never felt normal. I don’t even know what it means to be normal. Normal, to me, is a lie of the devil. Comparisons are an evil vice meant to discourage us from living out who we are. A lie to deceive me into thinking that somehow I am more than someone else. A lie to perpetuate anxiety that I am less then everyone else. I’m tired. I’m tired of trying to keep in step with this impossible dance. I’m a terrible dancer especially when I think everyone is watching.
Why am I so obsessed with looking all put together anyway? Like its creator, life is a mystery. I believe my obsession over a put together appearance is in fact buying into the same lie as Eve; that I am a god in control of my own destiny. How can I be in charge of my destiny? I can’t control the weather tomorrow, I can’t control the flu than seems to be plaguing our family this year, I can’t even control my husband and kids or anyone else for that matter.
No, the only thing I am in control of are my choices. And I choose what I believe. If I believe that life is a competition, that I’m to fight to be above everyone else, then pride, jealousy, anger, manipulation, etc will be my tools. If I believe that I am to live to the glory of my creator, to live according to my purpose in Him, then love, joy, peace, self-control, etc., will be my tools. If life is about being normal, comparing myself to everyone else, than tomorrow is what I live for. If life is about loving my God and my neighbor than I live fulfilled and content in the moment.
We all have choices to make but I’d rather face an unknown tomorrow with love and compassion overflowing out of me to others than tossing and turning all night consumed with myself in anxiety and fear of others. This is what I choose and this is what I hope to teach my children to choose. It’s the greatest gift I can give them.
Me being Normal, I could care less about that; but I do know that I have immeasurable value just like every human that lives on this earth. Discovering the beauty of my creator by appreciating the lives of others, that sounds like a life worth living